Rape what AGAIN??--This time 2 boys at once.

Whew thank God I can't remember this attack. I must have split again during the attack but my poor roommate didn't.
Kathy was in charge of staff scheduling. So when she missed scheduled a night shift---hey look at that John just happened to be available to work that shift. Now he was a part time staff at Kennedy road home, not the morningside home. So to have him work at our house was very strange...very strange indeed. Anyway..........both I and my roommate loved tea, so when John was boiling the kettle we too prepared our cups for tea....Is this where John put the drugs into the tea? Most likely. Todd my roommate took like 5 sugars in his tea, I didn't take any sugar just milk. So when the kettle boiled John poured the water and put the milk in...and already took the tea bag out.......So we thanked him then went back into the TV room. Todd finished all of his tea, but John put sugar in mine, so I only drank a bit and poured the rest down the drain. then we both went to bed for sleep aha, so we thought. What happened during the night? Well either I blanked the night out or had enough of the drug not to recall---all I do remember is waking up with my underwear on the floor and my roommate gone..with the strange feeling something happened but I don't remember what. I know for sure that I would never take my underwear off.... Got washed and dressed for school......funny still no sign of my roommate. Time for bed and still no sign of Todd......he was gone....vanished...A couple of days later one of the staff approached me and said that he needed my help. I said sure ..doing what...He said that it concerned my roommate Todd......I shook my head showing understanding go on.......He said that a couple of days ago Todd overdosed was rushed to the hospital--he was ok and now was in tower 10 in Scarborough hospital.. Todd wanted to see me, I questioned why me..The staff said that he wanted to see a friend...and that friend was me....I thought this kinda of odd as he and I were just new roommates and didn't really know each other yet...but the staff said that Todd must have thought me as a friend so I should think of him as one as well...I said ok...I will visit him in the hospital, but was unsure as to what to say to him...We arrived at the hospital and went up to the tenth floor...We introduced ourselves at the nursing station and sat down in this lounge and waited. Todd arrived looking wide eyed and strung out... but happy to see me...So he is talking to me and mentions about the other night, and apologized to me, saying that he was forced to and asked if I was ok.....I looked at him and wondered what the hell was he talking about? The Kennedy house staff member was close and wasn't given us a chance to talk amongst ourselves..so Todd carries on and asks me how much do I remember of that night....The only thing I remember is that I woke up with my underwear was off and Todd was missing...but I didn't tell him about my underwear being off, but I did say that he was gone and questioned him as to what happened to him...He said really!? I didn't remember what happened, I again said no...why what happened I now asked him.....that is where the staff member said lets have a nice visit eh?? and with that it seemed like the visit was over....Todd left saying again....that he was sorry for what he did...and with that we left.......never to see each other again...I have visions and vague images of what happened....but between being drugged and the fact that I blocked that night out, afterall I didn't end up in tower 10--would I end up there if I did bring the memories out?..........

Well why didn't you report the rape?

I have often questioned myself as to why didn't I report the attack. Fear --Shock--embarrassment. I withdrew..I walked around the house trying to blend into the furniture, the walls--as I passed by people I looked away and wouldn't make eye contact--I couldn't make eye contact. I felt that if I looked into someone's eyes they could see the shame. After awhile one of the staff said hey man whats up with rob walks by as if he doesn't see us....so he got all the guys to mimic my behavior and they all walked around like me---we all laughed at the bizarre behavior..And with that I pushed the attack out of mind.....yeah right so I thought---till the next time................

help...Help...HELP!!--RAPE

Well lets skip a couple of years because this part keeps repeating daily. It knows no boundaries, it's a memory that plays over and over like an record album where the penny fell off the needle. It intrudes on my life then and carries the same impact as the day it happened........A staff from Kennedy road house started visiting Morningside Kennedy house because he was dating the head supervisor Kathy. John came around often--too often.........The circumstances that lead up to the event that changed my life....Kathy started to bait me and on purpose tried to get me going....It seemed odd for her to try and get my goat...looking back I wondered if maybe Kathy knew of what was about to happen and she was in on it...anyway she was trying to get me mad started to argue with me....expecting me to rage out of control...well I wasn't buying into this setup...everything seemed too practiced and staged....John jumped in and said that "I should cool down."...I repeated his statement.."cool down?--about what?"....he then grabbed me and pulled me into the living room, threw me up against the wall and held me by my wrists, with my hands above my head--his body pushing full against mine...I asked him "what was he doing....and to please let me go"-He then repeated his demands that I stop resisting and cool down........I again assured him that "I was cool and wondered why he was doing this to me". He says again "that I am resisting ,-so that I must go to my room for a time out."........."I said sure...whatever...let me go and I will go upstairs....We start to go up, "and I says to him, hey you want to let go of my wrists"--he then squeezes my wrists harder--he then makes my wrists bend forward and the pain is so intense that I can't speak let alone scream ...he leads me up the stairs.........I look over where the stain glass windows use to be and now are replaced with glass with wire inside.....somehow we made it to the top of the stairs and into my room, "I said ok now let go". He didn't respond, we fall on the bed together with him still holding my wrists..now I started to try and push him off, damn for a skinny guy he sure was strong...I couldn't even break his grip on my wrists--they were locked on...I stopped struggling buy he didn't-- started to rub his crotch into mine---what the...I can't believe this....why me, what is he doing that to me for? He positioned himself further up my body and started to nuzzle into my neck, I could smell his cologne...felt his face as he brushed up against my cheek......It was at this time........something clicked.......I got out of there....I split from myself and stood up and watched as this kid was lying underneath this man getting raped. Poor kid I thought as I looked down at John pumping his hips into the kid. Time seemed to stand still........minutes felt like hours... then .I was again beneath John, as he slowed down and he seemed out of breath as if he just ran a marathon...Inbetween his gasps of breath he finally spoke again said just be cool you had this coming..If you were good then this wouldn't have happened. He left my bedroom. I just lie there ...I could feel the blood return to my hands, and they started to throb..I could feel the pain..but funny how it wasn't registering. I just lay there ..alone ........all alone.