17 and time to move out....

I am in grade 12 and exams are just around the corner...the stress of living in this hostile house is weighing down on me...I think I have been through alot in this 4 and half years that I called this house home..Instead of building young boys into confident responsible men...the goal seems to be how to beat the soul and spirit out of these young bucks....How many guys that have gone through Kennedy house's doors have made it....Ok make it easier how many have stayed out of jail..? Not many. Still the world revolves around money..so Ed was not going to be pulling in any more money from the children's aid for anyone who is over 18..so out they go..and to make sure they are out and he doesn't have to carry them ...he gives ya the boot before your 18 birthday. So like I said with exams around the corner...I was told to look for an apartment....I said how was I to pay the rent? Kathy said that I would be given student welfare..Till I finished grade 12...I said what about after that...She said as far as going on to further my education...she didn't see that as an option...best that once I finished school to look for a job..Immediately. I asked about the 25% of my pay she has socked away when do I receive that...she said sorry but that money went back into the house..but I said that when we were told to give her 25%of our pay when we were forced to work the summer and also whenever I worked --hell they even took Tyrones 25% when he slaved all day selling dicky dee ice cream it would be returned to us upon leaving the house so of like a hope chest--funds to sock away for a rainy day..She went into do you know how much it costs to keep me here....She said that I would find out once I was on my own.At this point we we in the little house office...it was the 0pening to the old stairwell to the attic...but they blocked it up when they took out the stairs..the same stairs that a worker 4 years before fell through when they were fixing up the attic..he fell through and his feet were dangling.good thing his crotch stopped the fail...ouch.as I recalled that day..I was brought back to Kathy blabbing about how the funding worked and how the hell do you think they paid for the movies at the bijou..Just then YUK..she let one go...I said what the hell man..She wasn't embarrassed as Kathy told me what do you think woman don't fart ...I said I know woman do , but maybe she just felt that she didn't think of me as anyone important and did it to emphize her disrespect she had for me as she didn't say oops or sorry or pardon me.What she said next seemed to backed it up..She also said that once I left I was to call first...as she didn't see any reason why I would drop by she said someone would greet you at the front door and I would have to have a good reason to enter the home...as she couldn't think of any she said once I moved out it was time to say goodbye and good luck..The next day a newspaper was purchased and I was to go through the want ads looking for a new place to live....I checked out a couple of places...but they were all dives..or filled with party people ...one place you could even smell the weed....Finally found a shared condo....price was right and they even said that I could use the mattress on the floor if I wanted...it was all set the move out was to began as soon as possible.....no going away parties...no visit from ED....nothing---here's your hat.........It was really lonely being dumped like that....the condo was quiet....to quiet....I couldn't sleep...I had to study for my exams....I had to stay focused and also had to look for a job....I did ok on my exams....I passed grade 12.....I even won the Canadian Manufactures Award --I still wonder why I was told that it was not an option to carry on with my education...as afact that I passed grade 12 with honors and even won an award too..why didn't I qualify to carry on with my education? I had high hopes of going to college or University ...Shit what do I do now? Rent has to be paid....I wondered how I was to do that I had to find a job....but quick that was for sure....I needed new clothes as I was starting to lose weight...well shit I didn't even know how to turn the stove on....no wonder I was losing weight...I called my sister and she said that I needed help and I would have to call social services and get Welfare...So I called social services and a nice worker came over...I said that I need to get some clothes and bus fare...and rent money....Till I found a job...I told Her That I figured maybe 2 months...she said sure no problem....I said how long do I have Till I had to pay back the money....she laughed and said hey thats cute....she said that I didn't have to pay back the government. Strange I thought hell --why would anyone want to get off it if you didn't have to pay it back (to this day I still ask this question)......I said ok.....So I got my cheque and bought a new pair of safety boots because everyone was saying that I would need them.....And a bus pass as it was cheaper in the long run instead of tickets....I found a job...I got the welfare check for the second month and called my welfare social worker and said that I haven't cashed it ......so should I send it back..so laughed again and said no....go out and buy your some new clothes for my job....and have some lunch money....I thanked her for helping me...

Return from Manitoba---

After boarding the plane home....I was so thankful for meeting Sue and her family especially her father who knew how to handle scum like Ted my Carnival restaurant boss....so on my way back to Toronto..yeah...it felt good to be going home..the carnival life was not for me..getting drunk every night...working your ass off for a loud mouth piece of shit....for peanuts..although I did wonder how many of the guys visited the girl in the costume jewelry tent..The only good part was meeting Sue and her family...So one the way home...I sat in the middle of the plane...no one was in my row....or the row across but the rest of the plane was full....they started to serve dinner....they started at the front and back..and worked their way to the middle to me....well the person serving the back rows thought the person who served the front was looking after me and the person who served the front thought the person who served the back was looking after me......or maybe I had to pay extra for food.....I smelt all the different foods my stomach started to rumble...I even would have settle for one of Ted greasy burgers or for Gamblin's soup..Gamblin helped the cooks in the front out...he also cooked the meals for the staff...soup was always brewing...Ted said that we should eat lots of soup--and stew...yeah all the left overs that they didn't sell they put in the soup..they got Gamblin to work in the back because on the first day it was explained to us that a paying customer didn't want a black person to touch their food....Well not only was Ted a piece of Shit he was also a racist...Anyway all that was behind me now ...going home...as my stomach screamed out for food......They were now clearing the trays...Well that does it I am not going to get anything...I asked one of the woman clearing up --How much was the tray of food....she looked at me and asked why...I said I didn't receive one...she talked to the other girls and one at a time they all started to wait on me....oh .... man so much food that they opened up the seat beside me and put the additional tray down... it was how I first thought ..one thought each other was looking after me....well now I was stuffed and it was night time flying in to Toronto..we had to circle around the cn tower twice....what a view...it was perfect...We landed ..and I made my way to the phones...I called the home and no answer...what the hell eh..>? So I called Carol's house the secretary to the group home and also my friend.I babysat ..her kids. Butch--answered(her husband)..I briefly explained to him what happened and how there was no answer at the home... he said they were closed down as the kids were at camp....so I asked him what do you think I should do.....he said if I wanted to he could come pick me up....I thought he just got off of work and would be tired...so I said I would just grab a room around here and bus it back tomorrow....I saw the price of the hotels ...they even came to the airport to pick you up.well for the price I guess so....hell its almost 2pm..I was usually drunk by this time in Manitoba...I was wide awake still...I thought I would save the money and just sleep in a chair at the airport and wait till the bus started. I didn't sleep to well...who could...ever slept in one of those plastic chairs?---anyway I caught the bus and headed to Scarborough...I went to the house and sure enough all locked up...I went over to Butch's house.. he said that he was also heading out and that maybe I should go up with them to the trailer where Carol and their kids were....I said ok...so away we go...wasn't much company going up- as I slept most of the time....Spent a couple of days up there....Butch still made the commute into the city to go to work...he said that he got a call from Kathy and that she was back at the house ,and I should get back home asap..So Butch told her when she could expect me back...the following day and what time..as he would drop me off before he went into work....I arrived home to see a guy parked in the school parking entrance and going through this huge mound of garbage....Strange that antique radio looked just like mine....I entered the home..damn it felt good to be home Kathy quickly killed that good feeling. So Kathy said what the hell happened ...I told her all about Ted and how he was a racist piece of shit and worked us to death and then left us alone knowing that we all were drinking and up all night .She said that Ted did the house a favor by taking the kids for the summer saving the house money.. and giving the kids a chance to see Canada...I said you make it sound like a holiday...he doesn't give a shit about us...he just wants cheap labor...She said don't think you will be just sitting around here...you will have to work..you can start by painting your room...She said you don't have to thank her for getting started on cleaning things up....yeah ok..whatever that means...so I go up to my room and all of my stuff is gone....that little bitch...she threw out all of my stuff.....that was my radio that guy was putting into his car.....I went into the room that over looked the front..and could see that most of my stuff was gone and also the car in the school lot gone too....damn...that bitch...she is so cold hearted ...I felt the tear well up ...I thought I can't give her the satisfaction of seeing how much she hurt me....I went down and asked her why she is trying to erase me....she said why did I not make the vacation with Ted work.?...I spoiled it by coming home..and now she had to stay and babysat me..and to bust her budget and bring a shift in to look after me....she said I ruined everything...how does it feel to have my stuff ruined....the same way I ruined her schedule and budget.?....She said why don't you go out into the garbage and get your tape decks and electrical stuff....and tools...I said that someone had already stopped by the side of the road and took them...I left to go up to my room....she said she put the nice antique radio on top of the crap...did they take that also.?....bitch.....damn a frigging tear gave me away as I slowly said yup that was the first to go....oh well...she noticed the tear...she smirked baiting me further.I didn't bite...I walked away...it was up in my room that I felt the full blow of her intent......yup make no mistake I was home....Welcome back to hell..........

Doug asst exe. director--yeah the knuckle on head guy

I was once again confronted with Doug. He was chosen to break the news to me about a death in my family..My aunt passed away...He came over from the garage office and asked that I accompany him downstairs ..he wanted to chat with me where we could have some privacy...He told me about my aunt....I couldn't believe it....I started to cry and Doug reached over and put his arm around me and pulled me across his lap.....What the hell man....this is too much comforting...he stoked my hair as I finished off my emotional grief at hearing the news...I tried to pull my self away to sit up and his hand pushed my head back down into his lap....wtf....I then thought I should ask him questions...and sat up to hear the answers....that worked...when was the funeral etc....He said he would drive me to my grandmothers...I got cleaned up and met him outside....WE drove to the junction in Toronto...I stared out the window thinking about my aunt....and how she always had ice cream in her freezer whenever I visited her little apartment...A tear streamed down...well that was the break Doug was looking for.... he placed his hand on my knee...and then on the inside of my thigh.....stroking my leg while maintaining a firm presence on my leg.....this guy is creeping me out...as I recalled our first meeting how he knucked me in the head with such force the pain caused me to lose my breath and he 'fixed ' me ....I recalled how I felt that something was wrong with how he touched me..the very same way as he stroked the inside of my thigh......Later I found out that Doug was relieved of his duties as an assit. Exe. director as he was caught over stepping his bounds..I can only guess what he was caught doing.......AS I heard it he admitted to being a Homosexual and Edward asked for him to resign--oh yay you have to know that there was more to this ....

Tony the tooth fairy?

Tony was a slick guy that was for sure...he stuck by Kathy and said how I pushed him and he was only defending himself against me....I tripped and fell over the box..and through the window....Now Tony was having an argument with another guy...this kid was small but worked out.....I don't know what started it or what happened but knew it came in from the kitchen..where Kathy was....The small guy was getting away from Tony...he was way across the other side of the room...and Tony said I will get you ....the kid said yeah go ahead and try.....we all thought it was over...and just then Tony slide across the living room and double kicked the kid right in the face....man what the hell was that kick...I have only seen that type of move on those kung-fu movies..Even Kathy saw how Tony attacked the small guy...yeah the kid was mouthing off, but it was Tony that did the kung-fu kick....the kid held his mouth and went into the washroom....BANG...BANG....BANG...he screamed....and wailed..at the top of his lungs....water was spraying everywhere...my teeth...he spite out..with blood whistling through where his two front teeth used to be....the sink that survived over a hundred years sitting of the wall was half on the floor...with the water pissing out of a feed pipe......now it was Kathy's turn to react ..........the HOUSE...STOP RUINING THE HOUSE..JUST LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THE SINK.....LOOK AT THIS MESS......the kid said what about my teeth.....SO WHAT... she said DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO RIP THE SINK OUT...ITS NOT GOING TO BRING BACK YOUR TEETH IS IT...as she twisted the shut offs to the sink...the water stopped pissing out...the kid wasn't caring about the sink..he was begging everyone to help look for his teeth....maybe they could put them back in.....Kathy said stop it..as the small guy was moving the couch looking for his teeth....get in the kitchen and put some ice on your mouth and stop spreading blood around the house....you have done enough damage to the house..already.....man this bitch was as cold as they come..that was for sure...someone found the teeth...they were snapped off...nope they couldn't be put back in.....the kid was now damaged for life..due to Kathy's neglect of handling another incident...as I was too....by the same kid..with her present in both incidents...who knows how she wrote this incident up....because Tony was still there at the end of the day....The small guy just got his denture plate and we were all hanging at Mcdonalds...we left and were heading home...half way home...the small guy said his teeth...he forgot his teeth on a tray in Mcdonalds...he took them out and put them in a kleenex on the try...he forgot to re-insert them after he ate.....he yelled half running come on help me look for them....he ran back to Mcdonalds...We arrived there just as Kathy was pulling up...What the hell eh?...what was she doing here...Everyone started to come out of Mcdonalds...we asked what was wrong..they said some kid was going nuts yelling for his teeth. and going through the trash...they left because the staff at Mcdonalds feared for the customers as the kid was emptying trash going out or control....he kept asking who cleared the trays and which garbage they emptied it in....the witness said that the guy started to empty garbage all over the restaurant...they must have been told to call Kathy to help go through the garbage to look for his teeth....and so I guess Kathy drove right over... everyone was clearing out of Mcdonalds...you could almost hear his screams above the traffic and voices of the crowd now outside of Mcdonalds....finally Kathy came out with the kid.....it was too much for the kid..losing his teeth the second time ....he fall to the ground and looked like he just wanted to give up......he held out his hands and screamed his teeth...his teeth....he looked right through us......Kathy said stop your wailing get into the car......you were told not to lose this set as they were very expensive...she told the kid that she didn't believe they would be able to buy another set........man talk about kicking a kid when he is down....with the cold hard truth being forced at him the poor kid thrust his hands up....as if reaching up to god to beg to be taken now.....Kathy screamed at him get in the car..you are making a scene and the police will be called and he will be charged with disturbing the peace....she half tugged and pulled and pushed the kid into the car....Kathy turned to look in our direction....you guys have caused enough trouble here...get home now...NOW I mean It ...do you hear me...NOW.. I guess she didn't want to go through the garbage either...what a bitch...

Through the window....

Well another day....early morning and I had spares-- but I was up early...most of the guys were already gone to school. One guy Tony was having a bad day....He missed his bus-- as all the buses loaded up in my school parking lot..so all the guys in the house just walked around the fence and they boarded the school bus there..Tony saw out the kitchen window his bus roll out of West Hill..".Shit...I missed my f..king bus". Well kathy couldn't let that swear word go...how dare you swear in front of me...she said, that will be 25cents of your allowance Tony..no make that 50cents as that was two swear words....Kathy knew how to play this game..hell she made up the rules...this was a lesson to teach all the guys that 'her will ---will be done"--So because Kathy said this in a taughting high pitched voice...it almost followed the tune of a public schools school yard taught..NA..NA ...NA ..NA NA....I got your money and their is nothing you can do about it.....well watching Kathy pull this ego trip on yet another resident so early in the morning and also her not taking into account that he was having a bad day and now would have to run to school to make it to his classes......I said to Tony don't let kathy get you going ...I told him that she will now get you mad and everytime you lash out ...she will then again slap you with a 25 cent fine....this will make you madder and she will carry-on till all of your allowance will be gone ...and then you will feel that you have nothing to lose and will now feel that you can swear all you want ...then she will start on one day house restrictions....he was to far gone to take in all I was saying as Kathy was now up to the allowance limit of 5 dollars...Tony was really pissed now...he started to fume and he motioned forward to hit kathy....Damn man if he hit her ..he would be charged .......I stood up and tried to push him back....he wailed and screamed FU_K! FU_K......he was now spiting out the swear words leaning against my hands...trying to get around me.....Kathy was saying "let him go....let Tony hit me "....damn this has escalated out of control...now Tony was so mad I thought his eyes would pop out of his head they were bulging....he had a crazed look...Spittle was hanging on his lip as he shouted the swear words....he then picked me up...and tossed me much the same way as blue lips swung the kitchen chair ....I flew through the air and smashed against the very window he was just peering out ...This brought Tony down...and he went over to me...sorry man..but that bitch is playing me....I said no problem..been there on the receiving end myself....checked my hands all seemed ok...only broken glass....Tony looked down and said what the hell...where is all this blood coming from .....Hmm....I looked at my arms and hands nope nothing...now a puddle was forming and my leg was getting wet....I lifted up my shirt and this deep gash greeted me....shoot....I must have hit the glass with my hand and then turned my body sideways and this is how I received the cut....I looked at the cut and could see deep into my side....yellow stuff--hey was that my muscle or most likely my fat and really red blood....this gap would need stitches....Kathy was still freaking out over the window...she would have to explain to EDWARD- how she let someone get thrown against a window while she was there.....why she couldn't stop the situation from getting out of hand....she looked at me and said look what you did to the window...why don't you just mind your own business....yeah right Kathy spin this to cover your butt... to get Tony on her side she said don't worry Tony it was not your fault...and you get to keep all your allowance and I will drive you to school....Tony looked at me....and laughed you burn buddy.....I said hey Kathy what about me ...as I felt myself get weak from blood loss...she said she will drive me to the doctors....I said I want to go to the hospital....now....she said too much paper work...yeah right ....she would have to explain how I ended up through the window...with the doctor she didn't have to explain how it happened.....Kathy said --will be back soon...if you are still alive we then can go to the doctors......she had errands first, as she had to drop off another guy with a wood project at another school first....I sat in the chair with a towel just touching the deep gash....I looked down at the gash it was so deep and the blood so red....I started to feel really dizzy now.....I can't believe how I really don't matter....at that moment I wished that this was it....Carol the secretary came over....asked me if I was ok...she said Kathy is just leaving now to take two kids to school...she stopped in and said that I was bugging Tony and he pushed me away..and I tripped over the chest that one of the guys was taking to school for a project.....I said that is not the way it happened....Carol said you are looking really pale...how do you feel?...I feel weak...and dizzy...she said here put your feet up..and slid another chair under my legs...I felt cold and very tired....Carol kept an eye on me....Kathy came back about an half hour later --Carol said that I was pale and cold....yeah...too bad Kathy said as she eyed the window again...lets go she said to me...and don't get any blood on my car seat...She took me to the doctor...the doctor said that it was a very deep gash...maybe she should take me to the hospital as they might have to put inside stitches...so said just close it up..if you can..if it opens up again we will go to the hospital.then Kathy said that I had to get to school and couldn't wait all day in the hospital emergency......I was lying on his bed on my side and I was sweating ...he said look man....you are getting my table all wet...he made me get up and pulled out the white cheap paper lied it out --I lied down again and then proceeded to stitch me up.....and yes it hurt like hell....and the stitches did pop open and no ...I wasn't taken to the hospital...and the injury got infected and the scar is huge...what a butcher job...This wasn't the last time Tony showed his aggressive side....

house goes whacky --end

I said to the cop that was some comedy routine....as Jim was coming out of the car he had his seat belt on...there was no need to beat him....I said not only that , but it was jim's uncle's car....The cop laughed and said they already ran the license plate..the car was stolen last week...shit--Jim knew the car was parked at the cn tower because one of them stole the car earlier-it's not his uncle's car....oops we are in SHIT NOW...We were driven to the peel police station....we were allowed to sit at the desks of the daytime staff as long as we didn't touch or open any of the desks up....We were stationed around the room and ordered not to talk to each other...the cop started to ask me questions.. he was facing me...Jim thought this was the perfect time to get rid of the magnet still up his sleeve...he didn't notice that another cop was keeping an eye on us from the other door ....at his side.....damn busted the cop jumped into the room and grabbed Jim ...what do we have here....a magnet....hmmm,, doing a little fishing eh.?...Lol what the hell -seems as if everyone knew what fishing was....now it was Jims turn to play naive...whats fishing? --I almost broke out in laughter.....the cop says anyone else have any tools on them....everyone nodded no....he says well the rest of you are going to 311 jarvis..but since Jim here is older and should know better he gets to see what a real cell looks like....with that they hand cuffed him again...twice in one night and said he was additionally charged with burglary tools....You guys say goodbye to your friend cause its looks like he is going down....Darn...take care Jim...see ya back at the house?....no answer...that was the last I saw of my roommate...We were shipped down to 311 jarvis street in Toronto....Damn...guess this was our own big house for kids our age....one at a time we were told to come into a room,--stripped searched...showered and this guard squirted this cold smelly fluid on my.......< , and under my arms and in my hair...how embrassing. then..watched as I dressed...and told to go into the tv room...man I was so tired....I feel asleep watching tv with about 30 other guys around me...I was awoken to this fat guard yelling at us to line up and our feet on a straight line...he would march up and down telling every other person to shuffle their feet so they were all exactly on the line but not over...eyes straight ahead...We were to head down to breakfast..then to another shower..and deloucing.....one of the guards asked that I be excused as I was wanted in court... It appeared that as soon as Edward heard that I was behind bars in 311 he immediatly ordered that I be rescued ....Kathy was pissed she wanted me to spend a couple of weeks in 311 but Edward wouldn't let her...and ordered her to use whatever was necessary to get me out.. A lot of guys didn't return back to the home. Guess I was lucky..... or was I.....?

house goes whacky --continued

Nope as I was to find out , I still didn't know what fishing was....We went into a major hotel downtown...the fisher said to just walk straight into the elevator and don't look around...make it look like you have a room there..WE were to enter into the hotel in pairs..then upon gaining access meet at the top floor....Ok we are in...We rejoined again at the top floor...it appeared again my stubby broken screwdriver...this time they went over to the coke machine and were prying up the coin return plate...I said what do you expect to get ....half amusing that they were nuts to think they could get any money....next they produced the magnet...sent it down the hole they created..and up it came with all kinds of silver coins sticking to the magnet....damn so this is fishing...They cleaned that machine out...and went down one floor and did that machine and carried on floor by floor...One of the guys said he had to use the washroom...I did also so I followed him down the next floor...We were checking out the pop machine because it was only the older pop machines that you could bend the coin return plate up and gain access to the money....The guy I was with said he really had to take a piss....so I said lets go to the lobby maybe there is a washroom down there...he said no way...he couldn't wait....what the hell you will just have to hold it....as I started for the stairway....he wasn't following ....I went back up and he was just finishing up taking a leak in this silver machine.....I said what the hell is that? He said its an ice maker...I laughed ..yeah right why would they have an ice maker machine in a hotel....He looked at me and said you really don't get out much do you....? I guess not....Just then a guy came into the pop alcove and said what the f..k you guys doing here? If you get noisy ..I will come out of my room and bop you one ....Fu..king kids ,he says as he sticks this black bucket into the place where the guy just pissed into...OMG...I started to say something and the hotel guest made a move towards me and lifted his fist up to my face and said just say one word you f..k ....just one word...I will bash your f..cking face in...man this guy was violent....so I shut up...he went back and scooped more of the ice into his bucket...I wanted to go home...this was no good....peeing in the ice machine was a very rude thing to do....but even worse was if the guy figured out why his ice was a little tainted he would be back to do us in good.....I went up and told the other guys and Jim snapped the kid in the head...what the f..k are you doing peeing into the ice machine...They went down to ice machine and pulled the plug ,stuck an out of order sign made out of the hotel paper...then we got the hell out of the hotel....We stopped in to a tower by the rail tracks...They said this was a control tower for the trains...I laughed >. I heard of a control tower for planes but not for trains...they said that at one time there was so many trains coming through they needed a tower to make sure they didn't hit each other...We went up the stairs to the tower...someone was in there....a guy and a girl...they looked were dirty...and looked spaced out...One of the group home guys went over to a cabinet and pulled out a boom box radio...the street bum said hey...thats mine...Damn I thought this is going to get ugly...just then the rest of the guys from the home entered and the bum shut up.....and said well its not his- but he found it there earlier....and the guy said yeah, because he put it there.....He turned it on...listening for any reports on us being on the loose....he told the street bum that it was for the tower...and it seemed as if some kind of understanding developed and they both nodded ....this will be the tower radio.as if it was a dedication ceremony to the tower--TO THE TOWER...as Gary lifted one of the mickeys to his lips...We left the control tower and headed over to the cn tower....One of the guys said that his uncle said that he would drop off the car in the parking lot by the cn tower...So he said not to travel in a large group...so they would go ahead and get the car...we were to wait behind a fence....20 minutes went by ..I thought maybe there wasn't a car....just then sure enough a car appeared.....it drove up to us....yup this is it- one of the guys said...I approached the car and asked if this was really his uncle's car...he said it sure was...he said its not hotwired or anything...look- the keys are here...I said do you have your license ....he said yeah had it ...since he was 16 ....Well good enough for me....I got in....we headed to the QEW...and up to the 427....passed a race track and after that it got really dark....we were on our way to someone's cottage ...well so I thought...as I drifted off to sleep......I awoke to everyone freaking out...A flashing light was reflecting off the roof and around the windows....I must have fallen asleep....I asked what happened...they said it's the cops....quiet.everyone....Jim said only he would do the talking...The cop approached and I then saw another one approach from the otherside..with flash lights...damn they flashed the lights right into my eyes....They then asked Jim for his license and registration...jim said he will be honest with them as he didn't have his license on him... but it was his uncle's car and he let him use it... If they wanted to they could take him down to the pig station and they could call his uncle....with calling the cops pigs...they reached in and shut the engine off....pulling out the keys...and pulled jim out....they thought Jim was fighting them as he wasn't coming.....so both pulled on him....poor Jim was screaming the cops were screaming for him to come out....but Jim was screaming because his seat belt was on......so they cops were pulling on Jims neck and hair...and jacket...smacking him with their flash lights to let go....but it was due to his seat belt-- not him holding onto the interior of the car....just then the guy in the front seat reached over and pushed the button on Jim's seat belt and jim went flying out hitting the ground with the cops too....zip ...hand cuffed and stuck in the back of the police car...in seconds flat....next us...they told us to get out and put our hands on the car with our legs spread apart...I laughed and said you got to be kidding they only do that on tv....One of the guys said you better do what they tell you or you will feel the flashlight also.... the cop behind me said just do like your buddy ..hands of the car and spread your legs apart....

The house goes whacky...

Well it came to clamp down time...reason...can't remember if it was due to Kathy being appointed the new head supervisor of the house..but I believe it was the way Kathy sneaked in...We all were on our summer close down of the house, Camping at Algonquin Park. She was introduced to us as just a student who was required to put her hours in a for practical experience for school. Meanwhile she was building files on us...reorganizing the staff and making new rules for the home...After the summer was over...we had a house meeting,...it was then revealed to us she was to become the new supervisor of the home...She introduced 59 new rules..two flipping pages of rules...I was ticked that she tricked us... gaining our trust as just being a student observer .....really sneaky....She read through the two pages of rules...they were harsh.... and uncalled for...I was the first to crumple up the two pages and throw them in the middle of the room....the rest of the guys followed..then mayhem broke out.. meeting over..lol.......The guys went whacky.....they all decided to run away...they asked me to come along...I thought --run away and do what? go where? I didn't have any money..they said don't worry we will get some...One of the guys uncle said that we could use his car, and drive up north to his cottage..It was a whole house effort....it wouldn't be effective if everyone wasn't in on it..so away we go...First one of the guys said they need some tools...he took a knife and cut about two feet of rubber from the fridge...I said what the hell are you doing? He said he needed it for fishing...fishing? I said come on man thats our fridge. He then pulled out a two foot length of magnet. This guy has lost it...how the hell he was going to catch fish with a magnet?..He laughed at me..and also told the other guys and they all had a good chuckle too...That day we all left the house..... the older guys took the lead. We headed to a coin wash Laundromat...I said what are we doing here? They said we need to get downtown to get the car...but we also need money..So I said ok...so I asked again why are we here? One of the guys pulled out a screw driver...hey what are you doing thats my screwdriver...He says well here you do it then....I said no way.....he then attacked the soap machine....with my screwdriver...he bent the metal lip up...in doing so he also bent my screwdriver..damn...One of the other guys went over to a washing machine and started to break in to the coin slot...he figured that he would have to take the white metal parts off to gain access...so he loosens the top....gets my bent screwdriver and prys loose the sides...now a woman comes in to the totally empty laundry mat and goes over to the machine that the guy was ripping apart...of all the damn machines in the place and she happens to use that one...she tries to push the quarters in and the slot is misaligned --the guys all break up laughing...the lady looks up at them giving them a glare that could kill....she finally smacks the coin slider and the coins click and the machine starts....it starts to fill up and then it goes into its cleaning cycle and the bloody thing is making a hell of a racket as the top, and sides start to fall apart....the guys broke up laughing again and said we better get out of here before the machine hits spin cycle.....the woman finally figured out what we were up to and started yelling from the laundry mat that she was going to call the police...We ran..and ran....the guys counted the take..and found out that they had almost enough to buy a 12 pack of beer...so they said they needed a couple of more bucks and they could hit the liquor store so they wouldn't have to lug around the beer on the bus and subway...so they told us to stay where we were..and two of the guys headed to a newspaper box...they put a quarter in the box ......what the hell...they getting a newspaper for....? The guys laughed again...I said what...what...? I looked over and my screwdriver appeared again..this time they were hitting the box from the inside using a big rock as a hammer....I started over to them ...this time I was going to save my screwdriver from participating in the aid of these crimes...too late...my poor bent screwdriver snapped...but not before the paper box gave up its bounty.....the coins fell all over the newspapers and the ground....WOW...how much money can a newspaper box hold? There must have been over 20 bucks..it was the most quarters I have ever saw in one place at one time....The guys were quick no sooner had the quarters fallen out that they were picked up and shoved into their pockets....The guy with the magnet was using it to gather the quarters up...oh so thats fishing I thought...So we head over to the liquor store...they buy a couple of mickeys...now we go...they say...we got on the bus and headed for downtown Toronto...Yonge street here we come....We arrived at yonge street still pretty early about 10pm or so...I guess they knew by now that the boys were not coming home...We went into an arcade. They never had to go get change for the machines that was for sure...they had enough quarters to play all night...I got bored of the arcade..and wondered when we were going to head up north as I was getting tired...We killed a couple of hours at the arcade..now they realized that they needed more money...oh damn here we go again...well this time they had no screwdrivers to pry open paper boxes... they said time to go fishing.........?

An open post to the Minister of Children and Youth Services

Hi Dr. Marie Bountrogianni recently sent you a link to my blog...I am concerned that the abuse that I endured at Kennedy House is still being carried on.. As I read in the news about the two staff members sexually assaulting the two boys at the group home ....It brought about guilt that if I had of come forward and exposed the ill managed home --maybe those kids would not have to endure what I have gone through --It then struck me that due to my silence on my abuse...there might have already been casualties--- other boys might have been abused and are living daily with the consequences of being victims too. AS a crown ward of the children's aid. I feel that the government ---my guardians..totally let me down. I was encouraged to write my experiences down as they invade every aspect of my life today...I would like someday to have closure on that part of my life...as someone told me let sleeping dogs lie..another said .get over it...and oh and one more....I am sure you have come to terms by now haven't you? I would like to find peace of mind...hiding this part of my life has not worked...maybe bring it out into the light might be a better route..thanks...

John's house

Dave was on Staff restriction... wanted to go somewhere but he couldn't go alone with John....so he asked me to come with them...I said I would rather not...(as John had already attacked me ...the last thing I wanted was to be in the guys car...) As John was again on loan from Kennedy road house....He was working the afternoon shift at our house and he couldn't leave with just one guy so the only way for Dave to get a ride was for another resident to accompany them...Dave kept on begging me...even gently reminded me about how he got rid of MJ ....Damn...I said where are you going...he said he had to get out...maybe catch a movie...Shit...ok...so we head out...only we are not heading for the Bijou movie house.....I thought maybe we were going to another movie theatre...after awhile..we started to head into a residential neighborhood...I( said where are we going?..John said he just wanted to show Dave something...Shit...We arrived at his John's house..He lived with his parents..so I thought what the hell could he do with them there....John lived in the basement...John motioned for me to have a seat...sitting in a lounge chair with thick arms...this was mad...what the hell am I doing here...what are we doing here...? John said here Dave this what he wanted us to see....his guns....this is totally nuts...I don't want to see guns...I wanted to go...I said to Dave lets go...Dave said yeah in a minute..as he was gazing at all the guns....John was following his gaze and he said here The good ones are hidden....he started to pull out all of these guns....He put them on the arms of the chair....across me..so I was blocked from getting up...he said CAREFUL !! as some of them are loaded....The hairs on my neck started to stand up...something was up...this was a planned stop it had to be, shit where was this going...by this time four rifles were laid across the arms of the chair...every time John bent down pulling guns from underneath the couch...behind the book shelf..and it seemed like he was pulling them out of thin air....he would pull the bolt back and slid it forward you could hear the metal mesh..smoothly and the clicks were sharp and exact.....he added another gun to my chair...now he was running out of room...there was no other space left on the arm of the chair..so he started to lean the rifles against my chair...don't move now...he said with a smirk...He said to Dave the really good ones were in the other room...the hand guns..They were gone for awhile....I could hear them faintly in the other room...time was really dragging on...I couldn't hear them anymore...just whispers...the damn guns were making me nervous...why the hell would he leave these loaded guns leaning on the chair. and across my lap..? I started to get really scared...I think I went in shock..as I stopped being aware of the time...I wondered how long I was there..it felt like hours...I finally called out...nothing...I was sweating, my mouth dry..I felt out of step with time again....much like the first sexual assault ....totally helpless...much of what happened or how long we were at john's house I don't recall....maybe it might be better off if I don't...............................................................:(

Hmm---Barry, Paul, Cheryl--and her sister....>>>--

Paul is my roomate, he is dating Cheryl--Barry is a 30+year old staff member. Cheryl would come over and spend time with Paul-She said to her younger sister who was 14 years old that she should come with her as there is a couple of guys at the house that she might be interested in hanging with. So one visit and her sister was a Kennedy House groupie. She was always there..but not to see any of the guys..she came to see Barry one of the staff at Kennedy House..They started to see each other...Barry destroyed his marriage. He got an apartment with Cheryl's sister...Great role models eh?